Acceptance – Part two

Already I’m thinking, who the hell am I to blog about Anxiety issues like I have something to say that will help? How fucking arrogant, get a grip and crawl back under your sofaduvet.

But I just bought myself a GISHWHES t-shirt that states “don’t listen to the demons” so I’m not. I’m going to blog anyway.

I have something to say because I’m someone who lives with an anxiety disorder and for the most part manages pretty fucking well, thank you. There have been times when it’s overwhelmed my life, there have been times when I’ve beaten it into submission by the force of my paddington bear stare. Most of the time we wobble about in the middle somewhere. I’m aware I’m about to head into cranefly season which is one of my most ridiculous phobias, so I really have no higher ground to stand on as once those flappy little fuckers hit my workplace it will be panic attack city for me for a few weeks and apart from getting myself signed off work (again!) there really is little I can do about it. So please don’t think I’m writing this from any sense of doing better than you. I’m not.

I started to cope with my anxiety when I accepted I had it.

That’s the main point of this post – Acceptance.

It’s hard to accept things we don’t like, to accept feeling like shit, feeling weak and tearful and lost and confused.

But if we don’t, we waste energy on trying to hide and deny it. That leaves us with less/little/no energy to actually deal with our lives and do the things we need and want to.

In worst case scenarios we can numb it with substances or activities that can be harmful or detrimental to our health and lives. Perfectly understandable and I’ve done this myself – it much easier to focus on the physical pain I caused myself than the mental and emotional pain that I didn’t know how to process or express (or even that I had a right to feel what I was feeling). Much easier to numb it or transmute it into something physical and understandable.

Thing is, it doesn’t go away. This shit hangs around forever and resurfaces every now and again. The toilet analogy is very fitting here.

If we accept it, we can start working with it.

An easy sentence, it’s not easy I know. But honestly, it’s not really more work than all the effort that goes into hiding or denying it, it’s just working in a different direction.

The hard bit is believing you’re worth that work, and that where the anxiety/depression/etc has it’s hooks because it will tell you you’re not worth it. If you were, you wouldn’t be feeling this way in the first place and you’re trapped in an endless catch 22.

Accept you’re worth it and accept your state of being as it is right now and let go of trying to change it.

It is what it is.

You’re worth loving regardless of how you’re feeling and coping right now.

Keep reading that. Try and accept it.

(image from ruthiedean.com)

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